I never realized how small my hands were until I began to grasp how big His hands are.
It is human tendency to want to have our hands on everything. We are naturally selfish and want to be in control of things. But, we also naturally want to help and fix things for the people we love. And there lies the constant struggle… we can’t do either things on our own because our hands are just too small.
My hands have never felt smaller than in this past week. I’ve seen so many hurting and man I just feel their hurt with them. He is breaking my heart for what breaks His. I want control. I want to heal their hurt. I want to fix things for people and for myself. I keep writing about this and people have probably recognized my repetition and I apologize for that, but real life, this is where I am at and that is what I’m learning the hard way. I think its a hard lesson we all learn, and we are also always learning it. The moment I think I am in control and that I can fix people, is the moment that He shows me again how small my hands are. But it is also in that place where He shows up in all His mightiness.
Today, I am leaning into my weakness and working on giving thanks for my small hands. Because although we are small, we are also a vessel for God to use if we are willing. He can use our smallness, and He will, if we allow Him. I want to push you to allow Him. I want to push you to be okay with being small. I want to push you to seek out where His hands are and also look at where they have been.
I just finished my journal I have been writing in since the beginning of summer and it is a really bitter-sweet moment. I know for a lot of people they get pumped about finishing a journal… but I am the opposite. You see, I had to go out and buy my new journal a few weeks before finishing this one just so I could be prepared to start something new. Its like when you have a dog that you know is getting old and won’t make it longer so your family buys a puppy before they lose the old dog. I don’t do well with letting go of things… I get attached and make safety-nets of them. I get comfortable and cling to that comfort until I am reminded again that “comfort is fatal” as my dear friend Lillabea always says. I get reminded again that my hands are small and that the only thing they can grip onto are the hands of the One who is always holding onto me.
He is reaching for you my sweet friends and all you have to do is reach back and hold on.
I am rooting for you and your small hands.